"Ask and it will be given to you Seek and you will find Knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7). He will have us find Him when we set our hearts to be pure and seek for Him.
God also saved me because He is faithful. These are all sins according to the Bible. I had pride, impure thoughts, and unloving speech and conduct towards people. Later I realized that it was purely God’s grace and mercy, because I have the same sinful nature that everyone else has. As a new believer, I thought for a short period that God had saved me because I was good in certain areas. Now I know that God probably showed me a glimpse of hell that morning to lead me into a personal relationship with Him through salvation by His Son, Jesus Christ. To my surprise, these Christian friends received me with joy. It was a Sunday! Actually, I felt embarrassed to make the request, because I had just sent an email to them 12 days earlier saying that I would never go to church again. I waited a few hours until most people had gotten up, and then called one of my Christian friends to ask whether I could still go to the church service with them. The strange feelings were gone immediately, and my heart was filled with transcendent peace. The knowledge acquired through Bible study suddenly made sense to me, and I prayed to accept Jesus as my Savior. However, a big surprise came in my life that August 24th morning-I prayed to become a Christian-by myself in my bedroom. I thought that I would never touch the Bible again or go back to church. I told them that they were nice people and I really appreciated their friendship, but I wanted to say “bye-bye” to Bible study and church, as none of them could prove God to me. So I sent out an email to my Christian friends on August 12, 2003. Since there was still nobody who could prove to me that God was real by physical or scientific means, I decided not to believe. Unless someone can prove God is real, or God shows Himself to me, I will never believe in God.”Īfter one and a half years of weekly Bible study, I thought I had learned enough about Christianity, and it was time to make a decision. But my heart was hard, and I told myself, “Even though their life is desirable, if it is based on a false belief, I am not going to accept it. Especially appealing to me were couples who had obviously wonderful marriages. Sometimes I found myself wanting to be like them. I was impressed with their patience and kindness. The Christian friends genuinely welcomed me every week, even though I was a challenge to them.
Every week I argued with the Bible study leaders, but the next week I would go back to join them. Instead, I tried my best to challenge and question the Christian beliefs. for study, for the sake of understanding American culture and gaining knowledge about the “Western” religion, I joined a Bible study group on campus. So my search for truth continued, even though I had no idea what truth should be like. I tried to practice Buddhism as a religion-and experienced the mysterious power behind it-but my mind could not be persuaded. But the more I read, the more depressed I became. What was the meaning of my life? Being taught that “philosophy is the fruit of the highest wisdom,” I turned to philosophy for answers. I was taught to believe that religion is for the comfort of the weak therefore, I determined to be strong within myself!īut while I was in university, I started to question why I should exist. Suddenly, I knew there was indeed a higher being than a human being, and that there was an invisible realm that existed beyond the merely physical realm which my eyes could see.īeing Chinese from mainland China, I was educated in atheism which says that religion is the spiritual opium of capitalism. My mind was clear, but I felt desperate and empty in my heart. My body was out of control! I felt as though I were being governed by some invisible force that was taking me through a lot of frightening scenarios-an earthquake, a fire, and dying in despair! I tried to stop these strange feelings, but couldn’t. On August 24, 2003, I woke up not feeling normal.
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